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Updating my livejournal should probably be a lot lower on my list of priorities than Iapos;ve made it, so Iapos;ll be brief: despite the fact that I donapos;t have a lot of midterms, this week is quite busy. Iapos;m awash with Poli Sci reading and Chinese memorization, and fencing threatens to take over my upcoming weekend (working the football game, in-house dual meets). So Iapos;m trying to cram more stuff into these next few days to keep Saturday and Sunday free.

Music stuff is going quite well: I had a great lesson today (Ah I love the Prokofiev Sonata so much) and orchestra tonight was likewise good--Iapos;m playing principal on Beethoven 7, and that, while exhausting, is amazingly fun. The chamber-music-esque sections are going to be a challenge to tune and fit together but Iapos;m excited to work on that with the other principal winds. Everyone is just so talented and I love it. :)

I also had a good bout today towards the end of fencing practice. Although I know things are going to get busy(/ier), going on the road and all, Iapos;m unbelievably psyched about traveling. We leave for Penn State in eleven days

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All�I wanted was to read some more about an author Iapos;ve just finished my first book by. The lovely ladies of HB (knowing my proclivities) bought me some waterstones vouchers when I left, you see - and whatapos;s the best thing to do with book vouchers? (1) Buy that book youapos;ve wanted for ages, and (2) try a new author who sounds good.

You are in severe danger of losing any respect for me that you may have had, if I tell you that the author in question was Poppy Z. Brite.

I had been prepared for trash - and I freely admit that some passages were a lurid shade of purple hitherto unknown outside of either Anne Rice or my own sixteen-year old scribblings. But the plot was solid, the characters beautifully drawn, and it was really very compulsive. So I thought Iapos;d Wiki her, and read about some of her other books that I may like to get at some point.

Two hours later I now know everything about Poppy Z. Brite, the French Quarter, Jeffrey Dahmer, and pirate radio that I could ever wish to know. Not to mention more about HIV than I ever�wanted to.�Damn you wikipedia, you are eating my life

Iapos;ll be off now, Iapos;ve got a rant brewing and have had since wednesday, but Iapos;ll save it until itapos;s coherent.

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Iapos;ll tell you what annoys the holy living crap out of me:

Devil Rays fans.

Honestly, are there 10,000 people in the United Goddamn States of America who can say that they were Rays fans before, oh, say, July? Are there 5,000? Actual fans, I mean? Of course, if you went down to "The Trop" last night and asked any random, "Rayhawk"-sporting moron with a shiny new Evan Longoria jersey and a 5950 with unbent brim whether or not they were a fan back when pitchers and catchers reported, theyapos;d say hell yes. Theyapos;d tell you theyapos;d been to a bunch of games over the years. What they wouldnapos;t tell you is that they were wearing Jeter jerseys when the Yankees were in town.

When the Tigers got good back in 2006 (seems forever ago now, donapos;t it?), we got accused of being bandwagoners, and I as much as anyone hated the chachi corporate types who got all the good seats by the end of that season, but compared to the Rays those assholes might as well have been there when we beat the Cubs back in apos;45. These Rays fans are people who donapos;t even have an ancestral interest in the team. Not a single granddad ever told a young Tampan (or whatever they call themselves) about the good apos;ol days. Nobody has given a shit less about this team since they were established. They play in a shitty park and they couldnapos;t give away tickets even back in May. Christ, as recently as the 18th of September during their last homestand, when they were in a dogfight with the Red Sox for the division, they only sold 17,000 tickets for a game a game against the Twins.

The Rays are everything thatapos;s wrong with baseball. Suck for 10 years. Get high draft picks long enough to get a great roster cheap. Win it all. Canapos;t re-sign your guys. They go where the money is. Suck for 10 more years.

At least it wasnapos;t the Sox or Yanks.


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So yeah I am talking to Zeke on Yahoo right now and he is kinda freaking out right now cause we havenapos;t seen each other since last night and in the last almost month we havenapos;t spent more than a half a day apart. I mean yeah it really sucks and I would love to be able to hold him and kiss him and everything, but this is just a test. We need to see if we can handle being away from each other. So anyway we sent some cute and funny apos;audiblesapos; on yahoo and then the conversation got kinda serious...

"Audibleapos; : Hello...Cupid called. He says to tell you he needs my heart back.

Zeke (10/18/2008 11:06:01 PM): He canapos;t freaking have it
Jessie (10/18/2008 11:06:06 PM): lol
Zeke (10/18/2008 11:06:13 PM): I want your heart all to myself
Jessie (10/18/2008 11:06:19 PM): awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Zeke (10/18/2008 11:07:19 PM): I hate to tell you but I have fallen for you hard.
Jessie (10/18/2008 11:08:12 PM): what did you think that telling me would scare me away?
Zeke (10/18/2008 11:08:42 PM): If I told you what I wanted to tell you it would scare me.
Jessie (10/18/2008 11:09:41 PM): then dont tell me until you think the time is right.
Jessie (10/18/2008 11:09:54 PM): no rush on anything
Zeke (10/18/2008 11:09:59 PM): Yea hard to do.
Jessie (10/18/2008 11:11:18 PM): I know. I think I am in the same boat.
Zeke (10/18/2008 11:11:43 PM): Well that is good to know.
Jessie (10/18/2008 11:12:19 PM): yeah

I mean, wow. I have been battling these feelings for a couple weeks now and I didnapos;t know if he even felt the same way. I mean I can tell by the way that he looks at me that he really cares for me but to have him say that he has fallen for me really makes it easier for me to have the feelings that I have for him. I think I knew about a week or so in that I was falling for him and very hard. I have been saying that I really like him a lot, but now I think I can safely say that I love him.

Damn... I love him.

I wish he was here with me. But I am also glad that I got to see my cousins. I havenapos;t seen them in months.
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Among other things, this drives me up a wall

I saw this log on one of the caches iapos;m watching:


Log Date: 10/18/2008
Iapos;m going to count this as a find since I found the spot, evidenced by the geocache description page (which I will post a photo of) but the cannister and log page were missing. Will email owner on this one.


Well guess what genius, if you didnapos;t find the apos;cannisterapos; and the log page, THEN YOU DIDNapos;T FIND THE CACHE

/rant off
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Today marks the 32nd month im together with mr lee xuan lei.
yes its damn long i know. I feel so old.
but anyway, there will bound to be ups and downs in every relationship.
and i admit to have committed some horrible mistakes,
but oh well. Thank you mr lee for forgiving me.
but tonight, you went to sleep without wishing me happy anniversary you @#$#^.
its okay, stress i know.

by the way, its fourteen days to a levels.

and i know that weapos;ve been drifting apart ever since i went into ntu.
itapos;s really inevitable since i stay so freaking far from ntu.
and my lifestyle has changed drastically and i know you are trying to adapt to it.
so am i. But anw, for now.
i just wanna be there for you, supporting you for your exams.
like how you were always there to distress me last yr.
thanks for all the memories, and the memories to come.
<3

please dont walk away; please tell me youapos;ll stay.

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When we are busy we sometimes do things without enough forethought.� So it was last month when my friend sent me a "meme" or computer quiz about "What Kind of Tarot Card are YOU?"� I get these things all the time and take them for fun at work while I watch a CD burn or during other mindless tasks which require my attention but no action for 15 or 20 minutes.

I took the quiz and�this one came up as "The Magician". Since my day�job is troubleshooting and fixing intractable problems with computers, I thought it cute and posted it here.

At least one wise reader, knowing my�clerical ambitions and current training pointed out that this looked a little bit like I was messing with the occult.� At first I pooh-poohed that in my mind but then I looked at this entry as though my Spiritual Director or Rector were looking at it and�realized it did send out a weird message.� So although it was cute, I pulled the entry.� A few years ago another wise reader made the same comment of something I posted which I though innocuous �but which had inadvertently offended them.���In that case I also pulled the entry as it covered something I was trying to work out with someone close to me which really needed to remain private.

This is not a matter of being "PC" or anything such as that.� Itapos;s more a matter of using oneapos;s head before pressing either the "Send" or in my Semagic Editor pressing "Post".� I am pleased that more then 3 people read this journal.� But as an aspiring clergy-person, I might need to use me head a bit more before throwing up a Tarot Card.�

I put a lot of thought into what I write here.� I finished a Journalism program at the University of Connecticut in the 70apos;s.� Though I went into other fields, I rejoiced when the chance for electronic publication appeared in the form of Weblogs.� LiveJournal is in my mind the best and classiest of these forums, so itapos;s the one I chose.

I write my entries very carefully.� The essays are usually done on WORD and allowed to sit for an hour or so while I do other things.� Especially if I am commenting about other people.� I also tend to leave specific facts or doings of my family out of this, unless itapos;s something really cool like my Dad still being active at 78 or trips Iapos;ve taken with my brother and stepbrother.� I try to adhere to journalistic rules when writing these so that they are interesting and easy to read.� I have a private "primal scream" blog which is only open to a couple of people but Iapos;ve not entered it in for a long time.� The Internet is not always the best place to work things out since GOOGLE indexes absolutely everything on line.

So read on.� If I send a weird message let me know.� We can talk about it.

Thanks for listening,

BEN

�

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